DEAR DEIDRE I fear I’m a dad after drunken sex but girl says it’s none of my business

Dear Deidre

I HAD a great night of sex but it was a one-night stand and now she says she’s pregnant but that it’s none of my business.


Do I have any rights if the child turns out to be mine?

I am 21 and really worried about this.

I was at a mate’s house one night and his girlfriend turned up with a friend.

They’re all 20.

We all had way too much to drink, and me and the other girl ended up having unprotected sex.

It was an amazing night, great sex and I really liked her, but when I asked the next morning if we could see each other again, she told me she had a long-term boyfriend so we never met again.

A few weeks ago I mentioned to my mate that I had seen his girlfriend out with this girl in town.

He told me that the girl is six months’ pregnant and I have to admit I was quite shocked.

He said not to worry as apparently his girlfriend had told him that the father was one of two guys, her long-term boyfriend and someone else but she didn’t mention me.

I still wasn’t convinced and I started looking back at texts sent that night and did the maths.

I could see we had met around the time she got pregnant.

Then I got in touch with her on social media.

She came back to me and said she conceived a week after we had sex and had her period in between, so not to worry.

I started talking to her about how she was doing and she broke down, saying she feels bad about the pregnancy because she is in a relationship and is scared the baby isn’t his.

I stupidly suggested we do a paternity test at my expense.

The conversation had started so positive then she just switched.

Now she’s unfriended me on Facebook and deleted my number, but I cannot get rid of this gut feeling it’s my child.

DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds highly unlikely, and this girl is at the sharp end of discovering how one night of careless sex can drastically change your life for ever.

If she hopes her long-term boyfriend is going to accept this baby as his child, the last thing she needs is you talking about paternity tests, especially when you’re no way in the frame at the moment.

She’s given you a very plausible explanation of why she’s sure this baby isn’t yours.

Most guys would be happy with that – and to avoid 16 years of child maintenance payments.

Unless you long to be a dad?

And please let this experience teach you to be a lot more careful in future about always practising safe sex.

Reckless drunken fling at work do

Dear Deidre

WHEN I am drunk I become really reckless.

At the office Christmas party last week, I kissed a guy and felt him down below.

I feel so embarrassed now.

I am a girl of 19 and I really don’t know what’s got into me.

Several teams from my work got together for a meal and then we all went on to a club afterwards.

We had loads to drink.

There was this guy I’ve always fancied and I sort of launched myself at him.

He didn’t try to stop me when I touched him through his trousers.

We’ve talked and he says I am beautiful but that he does not want to get emotionally attached.

We still kiss but I do not want him to think he can just play around with me when he has told me not to fall in love with him.

DEIDRE SAYS: This guy may not have put the brakes on when you came on to him but you gave a false impression of yourself.

You need to cut back the alcohol to a level where you stay in control to avoid even riskier behaviour in future.

Partner doesn’t throw in a penny

Dear Deidre

I ASKED my girlfriend why she is always skint and she went crazy.

She says I have no right to question where her money goes.

We have been together for a year but it’s been stormy.

I am 50, work hard and earn good money.

She is 39 and on benefits.

I have been buying her clothes, her food and taking her on holidays, all paid for.

We went on a cruise and all I asked her to bring was her own personal bits and pieces, but she didn’t bring a single euro.

When we got home, I asked why – but it led to a row and we’ve not spoken since.

I tried to explain on Facebook but she says if I contact her again she will report me to the police.

DEIDRE SAYS: Inequality in a relationship can cause tensions.

She can’t afford your lifestyle and probably didn’t think a few euros here or there would make any difference.

It sounds like you were beginning to feel taken for a granted – or even for a ride.

She’s clearly offended or defensive so you’d best back off.

In future, be aware of the power imbalance – and hence, the resentment – money can cause.

Hubby’s kids are pushing me out

Dear Deidre

I LOVE my hubby but his kids are pushing me out and I end up feeling like a cook and cleaner.

He cannot see any harm in their behaviour.

We have been married a year.

He’s 44 and I am 29.

His sons are 13 and 12.

When they get in from school they are rude to me.

They dump their bags, help themselves to food and have no respect.

I have been told I must make the effort to bond with them or they are feeling anxious.

Actually they are bullies and I am ready to crack.

Will he ever back me?

DEIDRE SAYS: Lots of parents would recognise that type of behaviour from teens.

Try to keep things light-hearted and get the boys on side.

Insist your husband sets some house rules which he enforces and that he backs up.

Sex boasts from pals kills me

Dear Deidre

ALL my mates boast they have had sex with several women.

It kills me to admit it but I have only ever slept with two.

I am turning 24 and both the women I have had sex with were several years older.

I met one in a nightclub.

She was very drunk when we ended up having quickie sex.

The other was also drunk and it was not exactly mind-blowing.

I really want to have lots of sex without turning to prostitution.

How do I find someone willing to help me out?

I never have any luck on my own.

DEIDRE SAYS: Don’t try to compete with your mates.

Even if they’re not bluffing and have more notches on the bedpost, it doesn’t mean they have enjoyed satisfying or fulfilling sex.

Sex is about two people’s needs and is best when you are with someone you care for and who cares about you.

Making friends with women is the way to find that special someone to enjoy the sex life you long for.